In a field crowded with familiar cliches, platitudes, and repetitious bromides, this trade consumer book explodes into the field of relationship and marriage with an entirely new answer to the question, why do we attack the ones we love the most. The author, who has been developing, researching, testing, teaching, and applying his technique for over twenty years says unequivocally that the answer is found within that portion of our physiology commonly referred to as "our reptilian brain", which manages our responses to threats. He says the reason we have such stupid, violent fights with our significant others is because of an instinctive response from the most primitive part of our barely evolved flight or fight brain stem at the back of our heads, beneath the neo-cortex (understanding, planning, reasoning, abstract thought), beneath the mammalian brain (pursuing affection, engaging in family and social ties, responding to senses of duty and responsibility), all the way back to the original millions of years old dinosaur part of our brain (eating, sleeping, fighting, running away, having sex). It's a stunning insight -- based on the latest brain science and cat scans -- with enormous ramifications that can provide break-through therapeutic application for anyone in a relationship with inevitable stress and conflict. The author shows us how to recognize and prevent dumb fights that escalate to mutually self-destructive, even sadistic behavior which occurs because our bodies are equipped with this instinctual reflexive system of fight or flight which is designed to protect us from harm. The author explains how when we feel threatened, especially by someone very close to us, we basically stop thinking and shift into survival mode, with heightened adrenaline production, increased activity in our neurotransmitters, tightening of muscles, shallow breathing, increased heart rate and blood pressure, reading to spring into action. Sound familiar? It happens in the best of relations. This fascinating, humorous, but eminently useful book not only explains all this but shows us couples how to avoid hurting each other, achieve physical and emotional safety in conflict, sort out real from unreal issues, achieving human intimacy, and overall identifying and overcoming the more primitive aspects of our inherent nature.
